Archive for mental illness

Message to My Sister…

Posted in Ramblings with tags , on 2010/05/11 by R L Burns

I hope things are better for you today…I was feeling fine and relatively cheerful, but am suddenly overwhelmed and find myself nearly in tears, saying (sadly, even out loud):  “Stop it!  Please!”  But I don’t even know what I am asking to stop…I love and miss you.

Signed,

Your Seastar

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Susceptibility

Posted in Poetry, Ramblings, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on 2010/02/28 by R L Burns

when you are fragile, whether

mentally or physically,

bouncing back from a loss is difficult

 

mental illness puts one in a quandary:

 

you are easy prey for others

quick pickings for the vultures

circling overhead

 

you blame yourself

for everything –

for every rejection

every mistake

every abuse –

even those made by others.

especially those made by others.

 

you believe there is something

intrinsically wrong with YOU, that

you cause people to abandon you,

reject you, abuse you,

and so punish yourself accordingly –

cutting, drinking, drugs,

anything to validate your worthlessness.

 

i suppose, on some level,

there is something wrong with you,

something that carves the words

HURT ME, PLEASE

into your forehead,

words that can be read by those

with just the right twisted eyes…

 

they find you.

they single you out.

they play on your weaknesses

encourage your confidences,

which they later use against you…

profess that they “say what they mean

and mean what they say”.

 

you believe.  you are trapped –

by your own need for acceptance,

your own fear of abandonment,

your own desperate need to be needed,

valued, to be loved.

 

but it’s always a trick,

always a lie –

their twisted eyes are matched only by

their twisted hearts, mouths, and minds.

 

they don’t love you.

they laugh at you,

denigrate you – along with

their friends, wives, lovers –

for being so susceptible,

so ill,

so needy, so stupid

that you would believe

anything.