when you are fragile, whether
mentally or physically,
bouncing back from a loss is difficult
mental illness puts one in a quandary:
you are easy prey for others
quick pickings for the vultures
you blame yourself
for everything –
for every rejection
every abuse –
even those made by others.
especially those made by others.
you believe there is something
intrinsically wrong with YOU, that
you cause people to abandon you,
reject you, abuse you,
and so punish yourself accordingly –
cutting, drinking, drugs,
anything to validate your worthlessness.
i suppose, on some level,
there is something wrong with you,
something that carves the words
HURT ME, PLEASE
into your forehead,
words that can be read by those
with just the right twisted eyes…
they find you.
they single you out.
they play on your weaknesses
encourage your confidences,
which they later use against you…
profess that they “say what they mean
and mean what they say”.
you believe. you are trapped –
by your own need for acceptance,
your own fear of abandonment,
your own desperate need to be needed,
valued, to be loved.
but it’s always a trick,
always a lie –
their twisted eyes are matched only by
their twisted hearts, mouths, and minds.
they don’t love you.
they laugh at you,
denigrate you – along with
their friends, wives, lovers –
for being so susceptible,
so needy, so stupid
that you would believe