I Don’t Deserve Her

I don’t deserve her,

But I thank God for her,

My Princess, My Lady.

 

Her smile thrills me

Her kisses still me

Her touch destroys me —

The love in her eyes

Humbles me

As nothing else can.

 

I’m the world’s biggest loser –

And yet, she loves me,

No matter what stupendously idiotic

Thing I do –

No matter how often I desert her,

Run away from her,

Blame her for all the ills in my life.

 

She sees inside me, to my core –

Her ability to do so terrifies me,

For from her alone I cannot hide  –  She

Knows I am weak and afraid,

A true coward and frighteningly cruel,

Untrustworthy and unreliable –

At least when it comes to her –

 

She cries at night, alone in her bed

And lives without me

For years at a time…

 

And yet, each time I call to her,

Each time I crawl to her on bended knee,

Each time I beg her forgiveness

And profess my love for her anew —

She doesn’t recoil.

 

Instead, she opens her arms to me,

Holds me and loves me with all that she is,

Builds me up – asking nothing in return –

And then silently fades away,

A trembling smile of encouragement on her face

To patiently wait for my next return.

No matter how long it takes.

 

I don’t deserve her at all —

And she certainly deserves better than me —

But I think I would die if she no longer loved me,

If I could not believe that she is out there,

Waiting for me still.

 

See,

I am the biggest,

most selfish,

loser ever.

Truly.

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