my inability to express,


in any meaningful way,

my reasons for wanting

to go to the midwest

is making me more insane than ever

somehow i failed to make amyone see

that for me,

it was all about taking a little bit of control

over a situation that has nearly been

my ruination

going there was, to me,

the way to close the iron door on IT,

instead of having it slammed on me.

i could go there and see the things i’d loved

and walk away from them, on my terms,

not someone else’s

but i was unable to convince anyone

that going made sense, is the only thing

that might allow me to put it all away,

put it in some sort of perspective with which i can live

and, hell, if i was going to kill myself,

which many seem to think

was my REAL reason for wanting to go,

i’d already be dead.

i had kind of thought that going

might help me live

and after a mini-stroke, well,

i wanted to go before the bigger one

after which it won’t be possible


2 Responses to “Reasons”

  1. Well I seem to think I understand your reasons,so I guess you have managed to express them to one individual…

  2. Thank the Lord, someone with some sense at last!! 🙂 Thank you, catsman!! Thank you!

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