State of Confusion

That old Kink’s song keeps running through my head — i’m in a state – state! – of confusion – don’t know why i feel so bad – is it the weather or am i going mad? – don’t know why i feel this way – don’t know whether i’m coming or going – can’t cover up, cause it’s obviously showing…

I still love you and still feel so attached to you.  So married to you.  Even though our “marriage” wasn’t what anyone else would call real.   And yet, somedays I hate you. 

I believe you really did love me but that you are just a big coward – afraid of your own shadows.  And yet, somedays I can’t believe that you really ever loved me at all when you have ignored me so long.

For someone who is such a coward and so weak, you certainly have managed to find the strength to stay away from me.  How?  It shouldn’t be surprising I suppose, because it’s what you have always done.  And yet, I never believed that you could do this after everything that occurred during the past year.

You tell me, and others tell me, how smart I am.  How clever.  How insightful.  And yet, I didn’t know you were lying to me all along.

Yes, I would have to admit that saying I am in a “State of Confusion” is putting it mildly.  And yet…it happened.


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