Car Wrecks, Family and Friends

Yesterday afternoon someone basically ran my mom off the road and she hit a tree.   Her car is totaled but she is not.  I am so grateful.  My stepfather and I took her for spine, etc., x-rays.  She was given some meds and sent home with us.  I spent the night with her last night and most of the day today.  I am so very thankful that she was not more seriously hurt.  We will have the x-ray results on Monday.  A young woman at the doctor’s office was worried about mom because she was in an accident in December and she felt okay so she did not go for any x-rays.  Three days later they x-rayed her and found she had broken her neck…So, we are nervous about the results but are hopeful — and incredibly glad and blessed that she seems to be relatively unscathed.

While at mom’s last night I had a phone message from my oldest friend, Melanie.  She didn’t know about mom’s wreck but said she had some bad news she thought I might want to know that she didn’t want to email or leave in a phone message, so would I please call her in the morning.  I wondered what it could be – she had made it clear it wasn’t about her or her husband or daughter, so…

I called her this morning.  She told me that Tuesday (the day before my mom’s wreck), someone with whom I was once very, very close was killed instantly in a car accident in a busy intersection here in Virginia Beach.  I was stunned – and saddened – and probably even more so given what had just happened with mom. 

Ken S., once, was my very, very good friend.  In high school he was unfailingly kind to me – and for most of junior high school, too, if I am honest. 

At one point in my senior year of high school we dated for a “few minutes”, but he…well, we had a falling out when he asked me – totally out of the blue one day – what I would do if Michael showed up again.  (He knew us back in junior high, you see; lived in Michael’s old neighborhood.)

My resonse was, “Please don’t ask me that question.” 

He insisted.

I answered truthfully.

He never forgave me and went on to do a few really, truly, awful things to pay me back for that admission.  I was sorry and saddened by it, really, because I liked him immensely and he was bossy and funny as junk and we got on really well as great friends.  So…it has been nearly twenty years since I have spoken to him; I saw him once at Melanie’s church about five years ago but walked away without saying a word to him.  I am sorry now I didn’t try and be…forgiving.  I had forgiven him I just didn’t want to talk to him or open that door again due to the things he had done to someone else close to me in his war of revenge on me — which is all irrelevant now, I’m just, I suppose, trying to justify why I did not speak to him.

I have learned over the years that he grew up to be a good man, charitable, kind, generous, still funny as junk — the same Ken I had known as a young girl.  I am glad of that, sorry of his hatred towards me back then.  And very, very, very sorry that he died in such an awful way and at such a young age. 

And somehow, I feel a little guilty at my first thought when Melanie told me:  I am sooo glad my mom is alive!  That didn’t mean that I was glad Ken was dead instead of her, but it did make the continued gift of her life so much clearer than it had been even the moment before.

Thank you – especially Dev, Greg, and Angel – for the wishes and support…Mom continues to mend.

And Ken…rest in peace, my old friend. 

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2 Responses to “Car Wrecks, Family and Friends”

  1. Alana Harris Says:

    Hello my name is Alana. I was Kenny’s stepdaughter for 21 years before he passed away last year. I want to thank you for your blog and the kind things you said about Kenny. I also wanted to tell you that in many ways Kenny was a flawed person as we all are and I am sure he came to understand and forgive you for whatever happened. Relationships were not exactly his forte either. I will always remember Kenny for his kindness to others and his exuberance and vibrant personality. It is hard to believe that it has been almost a year already. It seems like just yesterday I saw him hug my daughter for the last time.

    • dear alana,

      i, too, cannot believe it has been nearly a year. no matter what happened later, i have never forgotten his sense of humor, his smile, and his incredible kindness. i often regret not taking the opportunity to mend fences, if you will, when i saw him several years ago…i was so happy to hear that he had grown up to be such a charitable, generous, loving man – much like the teenager i had known. thank you for your comment, and please know that he truly was my great friend once and i have always felt lucky to have known him. robin

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