Mom Gives Me a Clue

My mother sat on the couch watching

Me as I cried – for the millionth time

 

“He’s a man, honey, and

He has to do what he believes is

The right thing — and aren’t you proud

Of him for that?”

 

I wiped my eyes and took a deep breath

Before answering her.

 

“Mom, I have known all along WHAT

He was doing and WHY he has to do it.

And of course I’m proud of him —

I’ve always known who he was, I just…”

 

More tears poured from my eyes

And I covered them in shame.

 

“I know what really upsets you, Robin.”

Looking through the veil of my hair,

I whispered, “What?”

Seriously doubting she had a single clue –

Wondering if I even knew.

 

“You’re really worried about HIM,

About what this is doing to him…You saw

Where he was before – where he’s been every time

He’s reached out for you.

 

You’re afraid he’ll stop taking care of himself,

That he will drift away again.

That he will give up – that he will

Allow himself to die;

That maybe you hadn’t time to give him enough

To last him forever…”

 

I looked up, startled

To realize that she was right.

 

The tears continued

And my heart began to slow.

 

But how vain am I to think I mattered that much?

 

Sometimes when I scream –

And sometimes when I dream –

I don’t hear ME.

I hear HIM.

And I know that I did.

 

No matter what anyone says.

 

Even him.

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