dance of the shadows

there is no escaping them it seems

nowhere, no how,

i keep hearing the screams                                          

in my head, relentless, unending

i don’t understand

i want it to end

i need them to stop

the black shadows that torture me –

i can’t hide from them, no matter how small i become

i think they’ve departed for cooler climes

then they return with a vengeance

to rape and pillage, to rip open my chest

do they know that there’s really nothing left?

no matter how tightly i close my eyes

i see them around me, dancing with glee

hands clapping, eyes glowing,

swaying together around me

they heckle and shame me, they won’t let me be

“you’re ugly,” they giggle,

“you’re stupid and fat – no wonder he left you:

who’d want someone that is worthless and used

a joke and bitch?  why would he switch

a wonderful bright thing, for a loser, a whore,

a nothing, a fling?”

they shriek with joy as i fall to the ground,

too weak to fight them, to fight for my life,

the shadows, all brothers, gather around

me and chant loud and clear,

“go straight to hell, girl” –

but i’m already here.

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