how can it still hurt so much?

how long will it go on?

how do i get beyond it?

how do i stop hating myself?

how do i live with him hating me?

how do i sleep?

how do i make it through a day without drugs to numb the pain?

how do i make a new life?




2 Responses to “how?”

  1. When you figure it out, let me know please. I started by trying to live through a day without drugs, I figured that if I get my body right it will be easier to deal with my mind. For now I just imagine that I am dead and can’t feel anything, that helps get through a day. They say healing takes time and there is no way to go around it, because it is also a chemical process. So all we got to do is to pass that time somehow, hopefully not self-destructing completely.

  2. IF i figure it out i will definitely tell you. i am afraid to go a day without any of the drugs because twice – no, three times – in the past three months i have almost…well, as you put it, self-destructed completely. things are a little bit better and yes, i agree that time will help. but right now, in the moment, in the middle of it all, that is not a great deal of comfort. know what i mean? i don’t even have to pretend that i am dead – what i have to pretend is that i am alive.

    thank you so much for your offer of support! it means a lot to know i am not alone out here… rlb

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