One More Lie

 

I want to hate you.  But I don’t.

I want to be angry with you –

And I am.  But not for reasons you might think.

I’m angry because you ignored Allie.

I’m angry because you lied to yourself –

Whichever way the lie went.

I’m angry that you…lied to me.

Whichever way the lie went.

 

And yet… 

With all the lies that you told, what was one more?

That’s what you really owed me:

One more lie.

 

I am hurt beyond measure that you

Felt the need to destroy everything inside me –

Everything you had so carefully helped me to build –

In the name of honesty.

In the name of what you owed me.

With all the lies that you told, what was one more?

That’s what you really owed me:

One more lie.

 

One more lie so I could sleep at night.

One more lie so I wouldn’t cut myself.

One more lie so I wouldn’t cry all the time.

One more lie so I could feel blessed by our time together.

One more lie so I could always see you as I always saw you.

One more lie so I could see me the way you said you saw me.

One more lie so I could still pretend I was a Princess, a Lady.

 

One more lie would have made my life easier.

Happier.  More peaceful. 

Less suicide-dream-filled.

With all the lies that you told, what was one more?

Really.  What was one more?

That’s what you really owed me:

One more lie.

 

 

 

******* In Wuthering Heights, Heathcliffe slaps Cathy across the face with his “dirty hands” – the ones to which she keeps referring.  After he slaps her, he stares at his hands and says, “Hitting you is no use.  It’s just like hitting myself.”  That’s what yelling at you is like:  useless.

 

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